What do you write to someone who is mourning the death of a close friend or family member? When we don't know what to say, it is easy to write platitudes that are meaningless or can actually hurt the person we're trying to help.
The words sympathy and compassion come from Greek and Latin words meaning "common feeling" or something "felt together." Helping someone through bereavement means understanding what they are feeling - and that should be at the heart of our expressions of sympathy.
What not to say:
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What to say:
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| "Be brave. Don't cry."
| "I'm very sad for you."
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| "It's time to put this behind you and get on with your life."
| "I'm sorry."
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| "You shouldn't question God's will."
| "I'm here and I want to listen."
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| “Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
| "I know this is a bad time for you and I want to help."
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| "You should get out more."
| "How are you doing with this loss?"
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| "Death comes to all of us."
| "I'd like to help. What can I do for you?"
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| "Death is a part of life."
| "Have you decided on a memorial service?”
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| "This happened for the best."
| "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me."
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| "It's all a part of God's plan."
| "Take all the time you need."
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| "God must have needed her more than you did."
| "I'd love to hear the memories of your sister. What was she like as a child?"
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| "He's in a better place."
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| "He is looking down at you."
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Reprinted with permission by IntegrityNotes.Com
For more information, including what to say and not say in specific situations,
see www.handonline.org (click on 'family and friends')
or www.ohiocops.com/grief
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